Language? We don't need no stinkin' language

Once upon a time, announcers covering sporting events and the highlights thereof used to speak in English.
There were clear indications of such punctuation marks as periods, commas, semi-colons. And there was some intent for the commentators to make sense, even when trying to motormouth through 50 bazillion highlights before the next 50 bazillion minutes of commercials.
Fast forward. Players "lay the boom" on each other. Yes, it's a sentence. No, it makes no sense. A boom is a large noise from an explosion, and it also a device from which to hang apparatus for making movies.
Someone takes the ball to the house (hopefully, not mine. Mine looks like a pigpen). Someone else "housed" a touchdown (not sure what that means, though it's not in reference to personal pigpens). People house stray pets. Not sure how one houses a touchdown.
A "pick-6" is more sensible (well, not really). But to me, it still means a bet at a race track and has nothing to do with a football game. According to awfulannouncing.com, one major network announcer said "'stop' is a four-letter word tonight." Perhaps it morphed into three letters the following night.
Basketball players take it to the rack (of ribs?). Baseball players go yard (mine is inhabited by trash and squirrels. But if a baseball player wants to go into my yard, fine by me). Hockey players aim for the top shelf (apparently not the prepackaged dinners in the store) or the five-hole (golf course, right?).
It's very hard to speak off the cuff for 3 1/2 hours at a time. Vin Scully can do it with ease. But he's also the best at his trade and is far more experienced than a lot of the announcers on TV today. Gus Johnson of CBS thinks a 2-yard gain is the most unbelievable thing he's seen since the last 2-yard gain. In most cases, the announcers who infiltrate our ear drums are trying to sound more intelligent than they really are. Or (gads, no!) they are lending more importance to a particular situation (the two-minute warning? The next Viagara commercial?) than is really necessary.
The "up" side is there's less time to hear athletes' interviews, you know.
My hope is people will try to use the king's English, try to keep their booms away from my ears, stop pick-6ing my house and stay out of my yard. Otherwise, I'll have to get my rack (of antlers) off the top shelf and get really unpleasant.